How to Get Gas for $3.17

1. Get yourself a 45-minute commute that takes you 45 miles way far away from the pricey gas stations of your city of residence, and past a LOT of other ones to choose from. The more options you have, the better.

2. Don't be afraid to run on empty for awhile. Hold out for the cheapest.

3. One of these gas stations should definitely include a Safeway grocery store in a low-income area (Vallejo, for example) that has cheaper gas.

4. Get yourself a membership to the elite "Safeway Club" for an anyday, everyday 3 cent discount. Or, you can opt to use your dad's home phone number instead of your own - it works anywhere in the country.

These are the first steps. I follow all of them regularly. If today, however, was an average day, I would have gotten gas for $3.24 with my 3 cent discount...how the extra 7 cents, you ask?

5. Find a dad who occasionally spends more than $50 on groceries at Safeway. Here's where you have to get the timing just right - otherwise he'll get gas before you do and ruin everything....

6. When you pull up at the pump, type in your HOME phone number (i.e. Dad's), and if the stars are aligned and Dad just bought $50 worth of groceries....you'll get this really exhilerating message on the screen that says,

"CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 10 CENT DISCOUNT!"

7. Make sure you say, "YAAAHHH!!!" really loudly so everyone else knows you just got 10 cents off.

Yeah. That's right. I steal Dad's discounts. This would be dishonest and shady of me if he didn't know that I do it...or at least knew at one point...

P.S. This may be the closest I ever get to having a gambling problem....there's something about standing there at the pump, just waiting to see what number pops up on the screen...